Dear Universe.... We need to talk

ok.. So I GET that I chose my life and that the lessons I am learning (or not learning as the case may be) are direct results of a choice I made.
What I DONT get is why I dont get to CHANGE that choice now that I have seen the error of my ways??

so, here it is - laid out for you very clearly, in black in white, in cyperspace for you and the ENTIRE WORLD TO SEE and UNDERSTAND.

I want reliable friends - and I want to be a reliable friend. I think I might have half that equation already taken care of - but in case there was doubt, I dont want something I am not willing to give.

I want money sufficient for my needs. realistically, a lump sum payment of 25 million would be great.

I want INNER TRANQUILITY. This one is a bit trickier for me.... I need help here....
(is that like asking for patience? because if it is - I think I am afraid )