ok.. So I GET that I chose my life and that the lessons I am learning (or not learning as the case may be) are direct results of a choice I made.
What I DONT get is why I dont get to CHANGE that choice now that I have seen the error of my ways??
so, here it is - laid out for you very clearly, in black in white, in cyperspace for you and the ENTIRE WORLD TO SEE and UNDERSTAND.
I want reliable friends - and I want to be a reliable friend. I think I might have half that equation already taken care of - but in case there was doubt, I dont want something I am not willing to give.
I want money sufficient for my needs. realistically, a lump sum payment of 25 million would be great.
I want INNER TRANQUILITY. This one is a bit trickier for me.... I need help here....
(is that like asking for patience? because if it is - I think I am afraid )
Subscribe To
Posts
All Comments
Wednesday, July 22, 2009
Friday, July 17, 2009
The hole in my soul
It occurred to me today that there is a hole in my soul. I am not sure how or why or even when, exactly, this happened - but it must be so.
It seems that every thing that used to fill me up - make me happy - push me to overflowing and full of life now just runs out. Like taking a hose to sand - waiting for the water to pool and puddle, only it doesn't. I feel empty. void. insignificant and perhaps worst of all - miserable about it!
So many things are going on around me...many of them not so good- but a lot of them are, by most anyone's standards, excellent. Yes, the California budget sucks and yes I will have to take furlough days.... granted that I will have a pay cut...I get T I M E. (I have been asking for more time.... hmmm the universe is fun that way.... I guess I should have specified that I wanted time and more money!! ;)
One the flip side - I am creating incredible garden space....lots of WORK to get there...but I am creating it. (trouble is - I want to spend all my time there to the exclusion of everything else!)
I am getting married. (thats an entire post by itself!)
I read a stumble find the other day that said "I have problems with self esteem. Which is ridiculous when you think about how incredible I am"
It seems that every thing that used to fill me up - make me happy - push me to overflowing and full of life now just runs out. Like taking a hose to sand - waiting for the water to pool and puddle, only it doesn't. I feel empty. void. insignificant and perhaps worst of all - miserable about it!
So many things are going on around me...many of them not so good- but a lot of them are, by most anyone's standards, excellent. Yes, the California budget sucks and yes I will have to take furlough days.... granted that I will have a pay cut...I get T I M E. (I have been asking for more time.... hmmm the universe is fun that way.... I guess I should have specified that I wanted time and more money!! ;)
One the flip side - I am creating incredible garden space....lots of WORK to get there...but I am creating it. (trouble is - I want to spend all my time there to the exclusion of everything else!)
I am getting married. (thats an entire post by itself!)
I read a stumble find the other day that said "I have problems with self esteem. Which is ridiculous when you think about how incredible I am"
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)